Confession: Anyone who knows me and knows me well knows at least one of two things about me–One, I tend to be very organized and like to keep my house at least somewhat orderly. And two, I tend to be a bit scatterbrained and forgetful if number one is left to the wind.
This is why I am often asking people, “can you e-mail that to me?” or “can you write that down for me?” because without it written on paper, I will most likely forget what I am to do within about five minutes. No joke.
While I tend to use organization to my advantage and most of my friends rarely know about thing two, it is rather hard to hide something like that from my husband who has been known to occasionally remark, “What were you thinking?!”
What in some marriages could turn a conversation topsy-turvy, I’ve learned to often accept at face value knowing my own shortcomings as well as those of my husband’s. Yes, my hubby loves me dearly despite my faults but on the occasion he does slip and show his humanity, I have learned a few things about combating rhetorical accusations in light of scripture.
5 Ways to Combat Rhetorical Accusations from Your Husband in Light of Scripture
- First off, as much as you may want to get angry at his rhetorical accusation, begin by asking yourself if your husband has a valid point. As hard as it is for us women to admit it, our husbands are just one of the many people God uses to refine us to be more like Him. Maybe your husband sees something in you that needs to be adjusted to better glorify God and serve His family. If so, gently swallow your pride, ask forgiveness and when you are ready to do so, ask your husband to give you some specific examples of how you could have better responded to the situation.
“An ear that is hearing the reproof of life Doth lodge among the wise.” (Proverbs 15:31)
- Before you respond, ask yourself, “is my husband really frustrated with me or something else?” Yes, there has been more than one occasion my husband has come home from work very frustrated and let it out on me. What initially hurt me, I came to realize was actually a compliment–I was the only one he felt comfortable with sharing his frustration. While his actions were not without sin, I have since learned on those occasions to give him space for a time and when I think he has calmed down, kindly ask “how was your day?” or “is there something really frustrating you that I can help you with?” More often than not, the situation quickly begins to dissipate as he unfolds all that has been going on with him behind the scenes.
“Understand this, my dear brothers: every person must be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger,” (James 1:19)
- Turn his rhetorical accusation around with a light-hearted response. It will lighten the mood for both you and him as you may likely be just as frustrated with yourself as he is, if not more so. For example, the next time you burn supper, you might respond with a smile stating something like “Hey, I hear that blackened foods are all the rage in the south so I thought I’d give it a try on this casserole. What do you think?” From there, you could apologize if needed and then calmly approach an alternative solution.
“A joyful heart maketh glad the face, And by grief of heart is the spirit smitten.” (Proverbs 15:13)
- Say nothing right away. Wait until you’ve calmed down and then gently apologize to your husband if needed and share with him how his comment made you feel.
“The understanding of a person makes him slow to his anger, and his glory overlooks offense.” (Proverbs 19:11)
- The next time YOU are apt to point out one of your husband’s failures, try setting the example by responding to him how you would want to be responded. It may take a few times but don’t be surprised if your husband eventually notices and starts to make the change himself.
…”and the second is like it, this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself;—greater than these there is no other command.’” (Mark 12:31)
Finally, let me just say that if you are in a verbally abusive setting, where rhetorical accusations are the norm and not the exception, I highly encourage you to get some Christian counseling, if not together then on your own to overcome this barrier in your marriage. We are each married to sinful human beings and we all have our shortcomings, but abuse is never acceptable no matter what the situation. Don’t become drowned with depression and regret; in prayer throw a lifeline to a friend, pastor, or counselor and maybe, just maybe, God will be able to use that lifeline to save both you and your marriage for His glory.
Take it to the next level with these resources:
- 37 Things to Say to Your Spouse on Mom of 9’s Place
- Intentional Marriage by Crystal Brothers
- The Irresistable Husband by Jason Gratehouse
- My Hubby Lovin’ Pinterest Board where you can find even more printable love note options as well as other amazing marriage tips.
This post is the 8th of 12 in the 144 Plan to a Memorable Marriage. To learn more about the 144 Plan or catch up on a missed post, check out the complete 144 Plan Training Log.
A soft answer will turn away wrath, but a word of trouble will stir anger. (Proverbs 15:1)