Balancing Friends

How many of you have heard of the movie, “The Sisterhood of theTraveling Pants”?  It’s a story of a group of friends who become separated by family vacations, moves, and the like but who desire to remain close as friends.  In their effort to remain connected they pass along this single pair of jeans which magically fits each person’s body type.  They must wear it for some special event and then tell the story of where they wore it to the next person they mail the jeans too.

Well, my bridesmaids and I have since come up with a similar motive to keep our friendships growing.  Although each of us now live miles apart, we have several boots which we pass along via snail mail.  Funny, I know, but it stems from a joke they tried to play on me at one of my wedding showers.  Anyway, when we receive a boot, we place it somewhere in our house where it reminds us to pray for the person that sent it and when we are ready to pass it on, we place something encouraging along to be sent on to the next person.  This could include a gift, candy, or even just a note.  Everyone loves to receives gifts, no matter how small so it is always fun getting a boot in the mail.  It just makes you feel good knowing someone cares and is thinking about and praying for you. If you have long distance friendships this may be an idea you want to pursue but I do have one recommendation–try to think of something to pass along that is light.  Our boots are ceramic so they weigh a ton, costing us a fortune in postage.  Thus, I think we may be revisiting the idea of changing our Pass-It-On item very soon.

Now for you, your friendships may be all local and you have no need to use UPS or a long distance phone service.  In that case, maybe you have the opportunity to go out for a latte every two weeks or something, but make the effort.  It’s worth it.  Recently, two friends and I have embarked on a new Bible study together.  It has been a great time to not only grow in the Lord but grow closer to each other as well.  And it’s in a public setting so we also have the opportunity to make new friendships with others in the Bible Study class.  It is during the day and the church provides child care so we get the best of both worlds–girlfriend time without the little ones and our evenings remain free to spend with our husbands.

Friendships are very important.  For a woman, they provide the outlet to talk about those detailed little things that make our husbands zone out, provide an extra dose of laughter on occasion, and give us extra support on topics that “only a woman could understand.”  However, it is important to remember a few things when balancing friendships with this new life as a married mother so let’s take a look at a few.

1)  Never share something with a friend that would tarnish your husband’s image.  Yes, there are times that you may need to vent or ask for advice but be careful.  Pray about it first and see what He would have you do.  If you still feel the need to share with someone or ask for advice, make sure it is someone who knows both you and your husband so that they do not develop a slighted view of your husband.  Remember, we are to honor and respect him above all.

2)  Keep in mind that time with your husband should come before girlfriends.  If you have to choose between date night with your hubby and girlfriend night, choose the date night.  Try to arrange it, if at all possible, to spend time with the girls when it does not take away from your time with your husband.  If you are a stay at home mom, see if you can get together during the daylight hours so that your evenings remain free.  Get together during nap time or take a stroll in the park together.  You could even sign up to do a Bible Study together as a few of my friends and I have done.  If you are a working mom, maybe the two of you could make an exchange–one night a month could be his guys night and one night a month could be your girls night.  There are several ladies in my Sunday School class that impliment this very idea.  Each month they meet together for supper and to play bunko.  In contrast, the guys meet later on in the month for Bible Study, fellowship, and to watch sports together.  Both come back refreshed; it’s a win-win.

3)  Try to develop both married and single friendships.  Both have something to offer.  Recently I have developed two new friendships.  One is single and one is married.  The one who is single is free to come to my aid at the drop of a hat (well…at least more so than the other) and the one who is married answers my phone calls and gives me encouraging support on topics only she can relate too.  The single one gives me running and exercise advice.  The married one demonstrates ways in which I can be calm amidst the chaos of family life.  They both have their place.  They both have value in my life.  Both are important in God’s plan. So, don’t negate a potential friendship just because of a particular status.  If so, you may be missing out on a blessing.

4)  Make it a goal to pursue a new friendship at least once per year.  You never know which ones might develop into a lifelong friendship that will help you through the tough times ahead or which ones might be those short little blessings along the way.  You’ll never know unless you try.

5)  Try to develop friendships with both Christians and non-Christians.  Now, for some this may be obvious but for others, let me explain.  As Christians we need other Christians around us for accountability, advice, and encouragement to grow in the Lord.  These should be first and foremost.  That aside, we are also called to “go into all the world” and how can we do that if we don’t build some kind of relationship with those “of the world”?  Sure, these friendships should probably not be your strongest (as your actions often follow your heart and strongest influences), but these friendships could also be the saving grace that leads that person to the Lord.  My mom is a great example of this.  She became friends with both her neighbors when she first moved to town and those friendships eventually encouraged one to come to the Lord and the other to become more involved in her faith.  They are true friends to this day, some 30+ years later, and none of that may have happened if she hadn’t reached out in the beginning.  As the song rings: ”it only takes a spark to get the fire going…”

Although I mentioned this in a previous post, “Friendship for Grownups” is still a great read on this topic.  This book has lots and lots of ideas for maintaining friendships as well as developing new friendships for adults.  For some reason, it often seems more challenging as adults to develop new friendships.  In school we were thrust into opportunities where it was the norm to develop new friendships.  In the adult world, most of our situations are established and friendships developed so sometimes it’s hard to take that opportunity to meet and get to know new faces. Yet those new faces may just be the next best thing God has ready to put on your plate for the next 20 years.  So let’s start today doing something with or for someone that may develop into a new friendship whether it’s a card, a phone call, a Facebook post or an invitation to do something together.  Remember, it starts with you.  You’re the deciding factor.  You can do it.